Second to One

Most of my life I've been the eternal bridesmaid. I'm good, sometimes great, but theres always been someone ahead of me. In contests, I win second place. In sporting events, I'm competitive, and near the top. In relationships, I'm a great guy; almost the best.

This puts me in an awkward position. I'm always near the top. This can be viewed in two ways (this IS Pessimistic Optimism, after all). The awesome part is that I'm always in the running. I'm competitive and near greatness. The pessimistic part is that I'm rarely the one. I can smell the top, but his feet smell stinky.

This has been the fuel of my pessimistic side. I know even though I do my best, someone or something is going to eek through just a tiny bit better. In sports, they're going to rally to that extra point. In contests, I'm up against the prodigy. In relationships I'm the next best guy (and to add insult to injury, I'm the second choice, then the first choice falls through, so then I'm the first choice by default... then I suddenly become the second choice again after a few months).

The optimistic side of me sees this as a good thing. Hey, I'm not the first choice, but I'm not the last choice either. It's nice to be good enough to be in the top ten constantly, even if I never win. After all, the second place team still gets to the Super Bowl, right? I see a pattern of "twos", so that must be my lucky number.

Number two can either mean second in command, or taking a crap. It all depends on your perspective.

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with being in second place, or the second choice. It's nice to know that when the first place fails, I'm the next in line, but there's a certain confidence in being number one. You have the advantage of being in control of the situation. You're not waiting for someone to screw up so you can take the lead.


I wonder sometimes if it's something I'm doing that keeps me as a
perpetual runner-up. Maybe I'm not aggressive enough. Maybe I'm too aggressive. Maybe I'm too nice. Maybe I'm not nice enough. I'm not sure, but it makes it hard to have comfort and stability in life knowing you're good enough; unless something, or someone better comes along. Part of it makes me want to  say "screw it all" and stop trying, but part of me uses it to keep the drive going.  Will it be enough to be number one someday? Time will tell. I'm the meantime, I'm pretty good at horseshoes, and I'm in the military, so hand grenades come into play.

Why no, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express…

My last couple posts make it seem like relationships are all I think about. So this post I decided to write about… relationships.

No. Not a Karma Chameleon

Okay, not what you’re thinking. This is about my relationships with people I both know and those I’ve met for the first time. See, I’m what you call a social chameleon. Nine times out of ten, I can seamlessly blend into any gathering or social group and immediately be able to join in whatever subject or conversation is present. 

A social chameleon is different from a poser (at least that’s what they called them in high school, I don’t know what the kids are calling it these days). A poser fakes their way into groups, usually by pretending to be something they’re not. A social chameleon, on the other hand, actually has an interest or knowledge of whatever group or situation they’re blending into.

I attribute my ability to my vast assortment of interests. I’m a knowledge sponge (though my brain has a bad habit of frequently wringing that sponge). I’m interested in a wide variety of subjects and activities. I can hold my own in an intellectual debate over farming subsidies, discuss recipe ideas, appreciate wine tasting, then sweep the tables at a beer pong tournament later that night. Some people may think I’m just doing things because I want to please them, but I truly enjoy being a Jack of all Trades.

This has helped me a lot in my recent social revival. I’ve been getting out significantly more in the past few years, trying a wide variety of things and discovering I like most of them. Since I can adapt into any setting, it allows me to not only enjoy it more, but feel like I fit in more quickly. A quick glance at my Facebook posts shows the wide variety of friends I’ve gathered and things I post and comment on.

Another advantage is it allows me to view things through other’s perspectives (A lot of disagreements could be solved if each party walked a mile in each other’s shoes, so to speak). I can easily empathize and understand, and am a good conversationalist. I find a lot of people come to me when they need to talk to someone.

About the only disadvantage is that it takes me a little time to sit back and observe everything before I jump in. This can give the appearance that I’m either shy, or not having a good time at first. I can assure you I am, though. I guess it just takes a moment for me to download a new program from the Matrix.