The Fixer

This week, in my Management class, one of the discussion topics was analyzing a personal flaw and trying to figure out the root cause. Since I have many flaws to choose from, it was a little hard to pick one. Eventually I settled on something and it turns out it’s a little bigger than I thought.

You see, I’m a “Fixer”. No, I don’t pay off boxers to throw fights (though I am currently unemployed, so I’m open to the possibility). I like to fix things. Not just mechanical and electronic things, but relationships and ideas. I can’t stand the idea of something not working to its potential, and I want to analyze and figure out a way to make it better.

This “flaw” stems from my insatiable curiosity to figure out how things work. When I was a wee lad, I used to take apart my Transformers, screw by screw, and put them back together again just to see how they went from car to robot and back. Occasionally I’d have an extra screw or two, but they always functioned more or less the same as when I took them apart. Eventually I became an electronics (and later computer/networking) technician in the Air Force and put my fixer personality to good use.

Before

If you look in my garage, you’ll find many old broken electronics and gadgets that I can’t bear to throw away because I want to try and fix them one day. My favorite things are the ones out of warranty, so if it’s already broken, there’s nothing to lose trying to fix it. I’m sure my kids were disappointed when broken iPhone screens resulted in me repairing the screen on their old phones and not receiving a shiny new one instead.

Almost done

Some of it is part of my cheap nature. I’d rather fix something myself than pay someone more to do it elsewhere. Just this past month I repaired an oil leak, replaced two sets of headlights, replaced a leaking valve cover, installed a new radiator assembly and A/C core, and replaced a hood on our cars.

Some of my fixer mentality makes it difficult for me to sugar coat things. When I reviewed screenplays, I found it difficult to point out the good things because I was focused on the flaws. The fixer in me saw that something wasn’t right and I wanted to fix it. When my kids have a performance or game, I tell them great job, but I also tell them the things that need improvement. I don’t do it to be mean, I just want to fix it. My favorite phrase is "Yeah, but...".

I think this is one of the reasons I enjoyed the transition to management. I now had the ability to fix people and policies. That is certainly my favorite part about management. I want to see things improve. There are very few things that are completely hopeless. You just have to keep adjusting things until they fit.

I probably stayed in my first marriage longer than I should have because I kept trying to fix it. Even if I couldn’t fix the marriage, I wound up fixing myself in the process. It’s frustrating seeing someone unhappy, especially if I’m involved. I feel it’s my job to find the solution to their problem and fix it. Even if that means fixing myself.

This car (and company) survived the impossible.

There are countless people that give up too early on things and call it quits before all possibilities are exhausted. I just finished a biography on Elon Musk (Space X, Tesla, Solar City). Reading through it was like an alternate reality. With all the problems he faced, there was no logical way that not only Space X could be successful, but Tesla Motors as well. Yet the reality is today they both are. And that would not be possible if Musk didn’t insist on fixing something he knew was fixable.

I guess I found a fix to my “flaw”. I’m a Fixer. I make things happen.

Hey Jealousy

You know that feeling. Your co-worker bought that new car you've been dreaming of. Your best friend is suddenly in love, and you're left out. Your man is a little too close to that girl he's talking to. The guy in front of you bought the last bag of Cheetos. Your blood boils. You become obsessed and sometimes irrational. But you're certainly not jealous. Nope. That stuff only happens reality show "stars" and New York housewives.

Pretty much everyone is or has been jealous at one point in their lives. For the most part, it's harmless. Usually the worst thing about jealousy is having to spell it (why they don't just throw an "i" in it to complete the vowel family is beyond me). Sometimes it can ruin relationships. Sometimes it can strengthen them. The dangers of jealously lie in the severity of the person that has it, but also the way others react to it.

Most jealousy stems from either desire or fear. Sometimes it's justified, and sometimes it's unfounded.

There different categories and levels of jealousy. Interestingly enough, like everything else in life, I noticed they correlate with drinking.

Mild jealousy is like one or two beers. You get a slight buzz, and it usually makes you more sociable and open to things, but you are still in full control of your own devices.

Mild jealousy is healthy for the most part. This level of jealousy usually drives us to do better. If you're jealous of the six pack abs of the guy next to you, you'll use that jealousy to either get a six pack of your own, or dismiss it as something you really didn't want anyway. 

 You can be jealous of a team’s success and use that for a good nature rivalry. Mild jealousy is also healthy to relationships. Seeing your significant other occasionally jealous is a nice ego boost and a reminder that they still desire you.

The next level of jealousy is similar to a person after 3-4 drinks. You become a wild card and can go either way. Either the life of the party, or the depressed dude in the corner clutching his drink.

Mid-level jealousy beings to walk a fine line. Sometimes this level is justified. There is a legitimate reason to be jealous, but there isn’t enough evidence. This jealousy can shed light onto the problem if you’re right. Unfortunately it can make things worse if you’re wrong. Being jealous of a female friend of your boyfriend could be based on signs you are seeing, but perhaps he isn’t. It could also be that you are misinterpreting those signs.  Either way you have a legitimate reason to be jealous, but it’s at the point to where something needs to happen to diffuse it. At this level, like drinking, you still have some rational control, but you’re teetering on the edge and in danger of losing sight of reality.

While everyone has different drink tolerances, there comes a time when you’ve had too many and you’re just making an as of yourself. You become irrational, argumentative, and oblivious to your environment.

This is the same with full-blown jealousy. At this level, jealousy is rooted in paranoia. Forbidding your child to play with a neighbor because you think they are so perfect and flaunting every purchase. Preventing your wife from even talking to a man. Trying to sabotage a co-worker because you think they keep getting praised by the boss.

Full blown jealousy needs to be called out immediately. Just like your drunk friend puking in the lawn, they need help returning to reality. Don’t do it while they are upset, because they won’t listen, but they need to hear things from an unbiased perspective. Sometimes, like alcohol, it never gets better you have to remove them from the problem. Other times, you can get talked down to a more reasonable level.

Just like drinking, jealousy in moderation isn’t a bad thing. In some instances it’s actually a good thing. Like many things, it is something that can snowball into something unmanageable. Seeing the signs in yourself, or your friends and loved ones can help prevent jealousy from going over-board and passing out in your bathtub.

Aaron-isms

 My Facebook friends have probably noticed that I post random thoughts that I have affectionately dubbed “Aaron-isms”. An aaronism is a saying that randomly pops into my head at any moment, though they appear more frequently on Friday nights or after a few beers. Aaronisms are inspired by many things; a person, the mood I’m in, or a casual observation. Most are intended to be clever, some are cryptic, and some may be an unintentional plagiarizing of an existing quote (I did mention, alcohol, right?). 

I’ve attempted to scour the past year of Facebook in an effort to collect my aaronisms (no easy task considering how difficult it is to go through the archives of even your own home page). Some of them brought a smile to my face, but others made me remember what was going on at the time to make me write them. For additional explanation, leave a comment, but most speak for themselves. As an added bonus, I’ve thrown in some rotten e-cards I’ve created as well. Enjoy! 

Some people surround themselves with idiots so they can feel like the smartest person in the room.

 No sense in continuing to perform if no one's watching the show 

The key to avoiding disappointment: Temper expectations and keep things in perspective. 

Apparently I'm quite the catch. The chase must be quite a thrill too, because everyone releases me immediately after 

When you're the only one rowing the boat, you get stronger, but you also wind up going in circles. 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice... Oh, wait-a-minute, I see what you did there. 

I would rather get a root canal, while being audited, during a pt test than go through an exit housing inspection…

 If you're asking for directions, then you won't find what you're not looking for.

 It's absolute torture when you care about someone so much, but absolute bliss when you no longer give a damn 

If you discover you're just one of many, should you be upset that you're no longer special or happy you were invited to the party? 

Saying nothing is far more difficult than saying everything 

I'm at the kind of drunk to where I want to say stuff, but am sober enough to know it’s a bad idea

 Being angry is a lot better than being depressed 

Happiness is large rain puddles and an SUV

 It's a lot less miserable being an asshole instead of just an ass 

You know you're old when you are sharing vasectomy stories over beers…

 There are times when you have to put your wants and desires aside and just be a good friend.

 Concentrate on the things you can control, the other pieces will fall where they're supposed to.

 Jack of all trades, Master of Fun 

It's not a problem if you're awesome at it.

 Our paths crossed for a reason, so we need to stick together until we figure out why

 I don't want to end it without knowing the truth, but trying to find out may end it anyway 

I've either figured things out, or am comfortable with the delusions I've created 

 He's good... But, I'm better 

Sometimes I wish I could see the line between perseverance and futility (but sometimes, ignorance is bliss).

 Should you ask the question if you're not sure you want to know the answer? 

I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I'll think about you every day, for the rest of my life 

I'm willing to bend the rules for something I want. I'm willing to bend space and time for something I need. 

Once you discover something exists, it’s hard to remember what life was like before you discovered it. 

Those unexpected surprises are the most fantastic ones… 

Sometimes in life you get to a point to where you've done as much as you can and it’s time to sit back and see how things play out for a while before you get back in the game. 

I think I'm going to bed early. Though nothing is impossible if you put the effort into it, right now It's easier to change reality in my dreams.

 I try even if there is little chance, because there is no chance if I don't try.

 The best things that happen in life are the things you never plan for.

 (This one isn’t an aaronism, but I had to throw it in) My daughter said she didn't know the answer to a math test question today, so she wrote: " Because, Jesus".