The past few months I’ve been called a few things that have really hit a nerve. Nothing really devastating, but still it’s enough that I’ve been thinking about them and decided they were worthy of a blog.
So I’ve been called “Comfortable”, “Clingy” and “Weak” (or “not strong”). I have issues with each one of these, and figured I’d address them publicly
Comfortable: This word on the surface doesn’t seem like it would irritate anyone. After all, everyone strives for comfortable. That’s what you want. Like a blanket, or a warm fire. I may be different than everyone, but I hear the word “boring” when you say I’m comfortable. This descriptive word is kind of confusing to me. I perceive myself as anything but boring. I live a pretty eventful life, as regular readers of this blog can attest to. I’m well aware I do bring a comfortable vibe to those I meet. I’m not sure if this is a blessing or curse. On one hand I want people to feel comfortable with me. I want them to know there is nothing to fear. I’m a pretty complacent guy and I let very little bother me. On the other hand, people feeling immediately comfortable, particularly women, brings an immediate sense of disarmament. That can be unnerving to a lot of people. If you’re immediately comfortable with me. Then you have no reason to fear me upsetting you. This puts me at a huge disadvantage. If there is no fear of losing or upsetting me, then there is no risk involved in a relationship with me. I wish I could be an asshole. I wish I could legitimately threaten people with the fear of losing me. The problem is that I’m too understanding. I’m too predictable. I’m too… comfortable. That shouldn’t be a bad thing, but when I hear it applied to me, that’s what it sounds like.
Clingy: This one makes me particularly upset. One of the main reasons, is it’s true at some points. I am clingy at times. When I find something I like or enjoy, I put everything into it. I’ve learned over the years not to smother the things I love, but still I have every desire to spend as much time with either the thing or the person I’m interested in. Some may perceive this as clingy. The truth is just that I enjoy being with that thing or person. There is no obsession involved. I spent years being a lonely married man. I wanted to spend time with my ex, but it never happened. Why shouldn’t I want to spend as much time as I can with the things I love? The difference I’ve learned between being clingy or not is the ability to let someone do things on their own. I’ve learned this and accepted that people are individuals and their life doesn’t revolve around me. Yes I want to spend time with you, but I’m well aware that people need time to themselves.
Weak: This last one is more amusing than hurtful to me. I’ve heard this many times in my years of relationships. It only those that truly know me that I am far from weak. Others perceive me as weak because I don’t immediately assert my dominance. My first instinct isn’t to fight, but to diffuse situations. This isn’t weakness by any means. I’m evaluating the situation. I’m letting my opponent make the first move. This isn’t weakness. This is true strength. A weak person charges into a situation without seeing what’s at stake. A weak man tries to insult his opponent. Tries to goad them into a response. This isn’t strength. The truly weak person tries to bring the other down to their level. A strong person isn’t afraid of a “weak” person. A truly strong person isn’t threatened or intimidated. If a supposedly strong person has to try to insult or upset a “weak” person into action, then who is really the “strong” one? I will fight back if pushed, but the truly strong person is the one that doesn’t need to fight in order to win.
Despite being annoyed by these words, I don’t mind them as much as this post may indicate. Call me these things. I’d rather you underestimate me. It makes my friends that see through the bullshit that much more special. That much more worthy of me and all I have to offer.