The past few months I’ve been called a few things that have
really hit a nerve. Nothing really devastating, but still it’s enough that I’ve
been thinking about them and decided they were worthy of a blog.
So I’ve been called “Comfortable”, “Clingy” and “Weak” (or
“not strong”). I have issues with each one of these, and figured I’d address
them publicly
Comfortable: This word on the surface doesn’t seem like it
would irritate anyone. After all, everyone strives for comfortable. That’s what
you want. Like a blanket, or a warm fire. I may be different than everyone, but
I hear the word “boring” when you say I’m comfortable. This descriptive word is
kind of confusing to me. I perceive myself as anything but boring. I live a
pretty eventful life, as regular readers of this blog can attest to. I’m well
aware I do bring a comfortable vibe to those I meet. I’m not sure if this is a
blessing or curse. On one hand I want people to feel comfortable with me. I
want them to know there is nothing to fear. I’m a pretty complacent guy and I
let very little bother me. On the other hand, people feeling immediately
comfortable, particularly women, brings an immediate sense of disarmament. That
can be unnerving to a lot of people. If you’re immediately comfortable with me.
Then you have no reason to fear me upsetting you. This puts me at a huge
disadvantage. If there is no fear of losing or upsetting me, then there is no
risk involved in a relationship with me. I wish I could be an asshole. I wish
I could legitimately threaten people with the fear of losing me. The problem is
that I’m too understanding. I’m too predictable. I’m too… comfortable. That
shouldn’t be a bad thing, but when I hear it applied to me, that’s what it
sounds like.
Clingy: This one makes me particularly upset. One of the
main reasons, is it’s true at some points. I am clingy at times. When I find something
I like or enjoy, I put everything into it. I’ve learned over the years not to
smother the things I love, but still I have every desire to spend as much time
with either the thing or the person I’m interested in. Some may perceive this
as clingy. The truth is just that I enjoy being with that thing or person.
There is no obsession involved. I spent years being a lonely married man. I
wanted to spend time with my ex, but it never happened. Why shouldn’t I want to
spend as much time as I can with the things I love? The difference I’ve learned
between being clingy or not is the ability to let someone do things on their
own. I’ve learned this and accepted that people are individuals and their life
doesn’t revolve around me. Yes I want to spend time with you, but I’m well
aware that people need time to themselves.
Weak: This last one
is more amusing than hurtful to me. I’ve heard this many times in my years of
relationships. It only those that truly know me that I am far from weak. Others
perceive me as weak because I don’t immediately assert my dominance. My first
instinct isn’t to fight, but to diffuse situations. This isn’t weakness by any
means. I’m evaluating the situation. I’m letting my opponent make the first
move. This isn’t weakness. This is true strength. A weak person charges into a
situation without seeing what’s at stake. A weak man tries to insult his
opponent. Tries to goad them into a response. This isn’t strength. The truly
weak person tries to bring the other down to their level. A strong person isn’t
afraid of a “weak” person. A truly strong person isn’t threatened or
intimidated. If a supposedly strong person has to try to insult or upset a
“weak” person into action, then who is really the “strong” one? I will fight
back if pushed, but the truly strong person is the one that doesn’t need to
fight in order to win.
Despite being annoyed by these words, I don’t mind them as
much as this post may indicate. Call me these things. I’d rather you
underestimate me. It makes my friends that see through the bullshit that much
more special. That much more worthy of me and all I have to offer.
No comments:
Post a Comment