The Most Romantic Thing I’ve Ever Done (or How I Knew My Marriage Was Over)

   Those who get the privilege of knowing me find out I’m quite the romantic. I’d love to divulge all my tricks and trademarks, but alas, I’m still single, and I may need to use those tricks more than once. Needless to say, those I’ve wooed know exactly what I’m talking about. I love to pour my soul into my special someones. I listen and cater to their wants and desires. Most of all, I love to surprise.

  I’m not in the habit of dishing dirt on my failed marriage. I’m not one to hold grudges and I try and respect people’s privacy. After all, there are two sides to every story. Unfortunately in this post, I’m going to need to show a little dirt, but I’m fairly sure those involved won’t be offended or mind.

  It all started a few years ago. My then wife and I were in a funk. No sex or intimacy for many months and we were locked in a battle of resentment. Our anniversary was coming up and there was no signs of thawing. Not to say we were at each other’s throats. We weren’t. But we were friends, not lovers, and something was going to break soon.

  We would trade off anniversaries. One would do something one year and it was up to the other to match or beat it. The previous year was my wife’s, and we went diving in a shark cage. Quite a hard thing to top. I was really unmotivated by the lack of intimacy and wanted to call this year off due to lack of interest. But I decided no. Someone’s gotta be the bigger man, and last I checked, I was the man.

  This year was gonna be it. I’d pull out all the stops. If this didn’t jump start some romance, then nothing would.

  I told her that we were going to go on a long hike for our anniversary. The date landed on a weekend, and I knew we’d both have the day off. We honestly hadn’t been on a hike in a while, and neither of us liked doing the traditional dinner and blah blah for anniversaries. I told her to pack for a day hike and plan on being out for most of the day. I arranged for someone to watch the kids and set my plan in motion.

  We woke up that morning and got ready for the hike. We packed a bag and change of clothes, took care of the kids and hopped in the car. We sped off to our hike. My wife knew there was something up when I took the first exit. “Why are we going to the airport”?

  I avoided as many questions as possible. I clarified that I didn’t exactly say where our hike was, and produced two tickets to the Hawaiian island of Kauai. (For reference, this was while we lived on Oahu, so Kauai  is a 30 min flight). She complained for a bit about not bringing enough stuff, but by then it was too late. We boarded the plane and took off to the “Garden Isle”.

  Once we landed on Kauai, we got our nice rental car (I wanted a convertible, but changed at a last minute veto by the ex) and headed off to our first stop, a nice Mexican place by the ocean. The lunch was nice, but far from the romantic moment I had planned. No worries, the next place was going to wow her.

  I wanted to go on a long hike, but time just wouldn’t permit it. So I did the next best thing. Kauai is home to one of the wonders of the world, the grand canyon of the pacific. Smack dab in the middle of the island is this incredible mountain range that looks incredibly like the grand canyon. I had no idea of the magnitude of it. It’s truly something you need to see to believe. While viewing, I noticed she began to crack. I saw a smile, and I heard zero complaints.

  Next stop was a waterfall that was quite spectacular. We got close and just watched it for a while. Finally it was getting close to time to leave. I hadn’t heard many words of encouragement, but for her, silence was usually a good indicator that she was happy.

  We flew home. After this spectacular day, I expected at least a little something romantic in return. She was never the most physical of spouses. She preferred to show intimacy through sex, not so much touching and kissing. We returned home, picked up the kids and it was business as usual. I thought maybe I’d get a reward later that night. But no sex. No intimacy. No kiss. Just a halfhearted acknowledgement of thanks for the day.

  I had pulled out all the stops. This was an expensive, well planned, romantic as all get out anniversary and I didn’t get so much as a peck on the cheek. At that point, as sad at it was, I knew the most romantic attempt of my life had failed to rekindle anything in our marriage. A few years later we would divorce amicably, though we both knew it should have happened sooner.

  No real happy ending to this story. Just a lesson to all that if you really want to see if love is dead, at least give it a final go and not let it fade into nothingness. I hope one day to find a woman who appreciates, no, deserves my romantic gestures. Maybe I’m kidding myself and just shooting blanks, but I’m sure someone will appreciate me.